Thoughts of Her
by CherryMountain
Summary: Takes places in the year that Emma and Henry were in New York while the rest of the Storybrookers and friends were in the Enchanted Forest. When Hook thinks of his Swan. Captain Swan one-shot.


**So, I have writers block for my other story, so I've written three OUAT one-shots, and here is the second. These are just some of the things Hook may think about in the year that he is in the Enchanted Forest and Emma is in the Land Without magic. Kind of dark and depressing, but nothing we don't already know. Enjoy!**

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Once they had all returned to their land, everything went back to normal, except a layer of sadness had been brought down on everyone. They tried to go about their lives, but everyone knew that two special people were missing. Not many people outwardly spoke about them, only the few that loved them the most.

Hook had been given a room in the palace, next to Anton, who chose to stay human sized. The first few weeks, he walked aimlessly around the castle, ignoring and avoiding others' gazes. He didn't pay much attention to the duties of the Charming's or Regina. Most of the time, he thought of her face. Like he promised, he thought about her every day, whether he wanted to or not. Most of the time, he didn't, because a pain entered his heart, knowing that she was _there_, alone, with her memories gone. She didn't know that she had saved all the lives of the people here, that she _did_ have a loving family, that they wanted to see her, but could not. She didn't _know_ him, that he cared for her, that he would never do anything to hurt her.

She didn't know that she had allowed all of them to go back to the forest, to their land. She had saved them all. She was a true Savior. She had saved Hook from his past, opened up his thoughts. He no longer wanted revenge, because of her. He no longer hated, because of her. He no longer felt alone, because of her. It was all because of her.

They all worried about the two, and wondered if it was possible to bring them back. If Henry were to come back, would they all be teleported somewhere else, because he couldn't ever see Regina again? What would happen to Henry, to them, to Regina? They just didn't know. None of them, and they all hated themselves for not knowing. When Hook saw the Charming's, he saw that they were focused, and determined to help their kingdom. But he also saw that while they tried to show everyone that they were fine, they were truly sad underneath. They had lost their daughter, and their grandson, for the second time. If they lost anyone else, surely they would break.

At night, Hook couldn't sleep. His thoughts were too loud, memories and conflictions entered his mind. The last few weeks he and Emma had spent together were the most replayed memories, mostly the kiss they had shared after he had saved David, his confession in the Echo Caves, when Emma used magic to save him and Baelfire getting their shadows ripped out, and their last moment together in Storybrooke. He thought of what all of it meant.

He _hadn't_ been able to handle the kiss. It had been new, amazing, breathtaking, and _real_. _She_ had been kissing _him_. He hadn't thought that she had truly felt that way about him. It definitely hadn't been _just_ a kiss. It meant something, something deeper than the flirtation it had looked like. Hook didn't know what; he really wanted it to mean that she cared for him too much, but he kept doubting himself. After his confession in the Echo Caves, she looked shocked. Was she surprised that he felt that way? He certainly expressed that he found her attractive, even in front of her parents. But he had been telling the truth, otherwise the bridge wouldn't have started to form. She _had_ to know that he loved her from the confession. He had also hoped that she would respond in some way other than staring at him, but the caves had to cause a bloody earthquake and end the moment.

In his memories, he couldn't help but hear distinctly that when he and Baelfire were getting their shadows ripped from their bodies, that she only called out his name. Did this mean that she cared for him more than Bae, that she was more concerned for his safety, and wanted him to survive it? And their last moments in Storybrooke, when he had told her that he would think of her every day. Her reply was good. _Good_. It meant that she wanted him to, and that he better. This eminently told Hook that she did care for him, that if she could, she would have thought about him every day, too.

So Hook drank. Charming always somehow found him at night and managed to bring him to his room. Then the next morning, Charming would tell him to suck it up, because they were all suffering without them, and that she wouldn't want him to being doing this. That would last him a few days, where he contemplated the meaning of happiness, and if he had it or he should find it. She was his happiness, though, and she was not here. Did that mean that he had to find something else, or someone else? It made him drink some more; he didn't want to think about that. He wanted her back.

Then the nightmares would come, and he'd drink yet again to make them go away. They were mostly of what he would be like if he hadn't fallen in love with her; he wouldn't have become the cruel pirate that only wanted revenge for Milah. He'd be old, long dead, and living a lie with Milah. She was not his true love, and he would never have found her. He relives the day the two climbed the beanstalk, but then, Emma falls. Emma, being locked in the Dark One's cage until she had withered up and died. Her, falling into the arms of Neal, who hadn't broke her heart. They were all horrible nightmares, and he woke up sweating and panting.

If she had kept her memories, what would she be thinking of him? Did she have feelings for him? Is that why she kissed him in Neverland, or had she been confused, or just wanted to have some fun? But he had told her his secret, that he would fight for her, that he would think of her every day, and she had said Good. Was she okay in the Land Without Magic? Was it torturous, or did she never want her memories back? Would he ever see her again? Had she found someone else? She should find someone else. He wasn't good for her. He was a cruel pirate, selfish, and hurt others that got in his way.

But he had changed. Meeting Emma, knowing her, had changed him. He didn't want to get his revenge anymore, Emma showed him that. What he wanted now was a happy ever after. He wanted happiness, and getting revenger would not bring him this. Helping people who deserved happiness did. Helping Emma find Henry had shown him this. Being around Emma, with Emma, would bring him happiness. She was the Savior, and he thought, at times, that maybe she hadn't just saved the people of Storybrooke, but Hook himself as well. Not maybe; she had. He tried to hide behind the flirting, the cockiness, the confidence, because he didn't want to allow himself to love again and then get crushed. The walls he had created were faltering because of her. Emma saw through the walls, and made him want to break them down so that she could see better. She saw him for who he was. And though she didn't act on the fact that she could see him for who he was, she hid behind her walls, too, because she didn't want to allow herself to love again and then be crushed. Both of them hadn't been able to trust, for fear of being broken and left behind. But they saw through each other. It had taken awhile, but he had admitted it to her in the caves.

He was just so alone.

Then, they announced that there was a way. They had to get Emma, to save her and themselves. A witch was attacking, and the only way to stop her was the Savior.

Hook was excited, knowing that he would see Emma soon, but when they announced that he was going to be the one to go find her, he tensed. Hook was to go to that land, alone?

Yes. She won't remember you, and don't try to get her to. Just bring her to Storybrooke, and we'll work from there.

Well, he tried anyway, and failed. He was just so happy to see her, know that she was alive, not in danger. She was happy, even with fake memories. Hook only wished he could have lost his memories with her.


End file.
